Ya, I feel defeated, a little more than defeated. It's a collection of things, I've felt like giving up for the past few months, I had a good friend, and I'm grateful for the company and the help. This isn't to make anyone feel bad about me, or pity me. The purpose of this is to feel as though someone is listening to me.

I feel like a failure at life, I work at a job that couldn't care less about me, and any effort to I make doesn't seem to go anywhere. I work hard to prove myself and end up nowhere, I can't even find myself another job cause no one wants me, when I do get an interview, I don't even get the courtesy of a call to say that I'm not getting the job. Unless I have some sort of connection on the inside, I don't even seem to have a chance.

School, it sucks, I can't keep focus no matter how much it matters, I'm a failure at that too.

Those two factors have been getting to me, and I've been a shitty friend, maybe I should have opened up a little more, maybe it would have eaten away at me less, but I was afraid of driving them away, and that's exactly what I did. No matter what I do I drive all my friends away, it seems that once someone gets to know me, there's some sort of personality flaw, different each time when I get close to someone, that drives them away, I've tried so much. Am I really that unwantable? I am a failure at that too.

... I sure hope my friend doesn't read this, I don't like sounding like this, and I don't want my friend to think I'm guilting. If anything I'm sorry, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore.

If any of you got this far, thanks for listening, I wish I could make it up to you.